The "Borrowed" Bianchi
One morning this weekend I pulled up to my apartment lookin' fierce on my lovingly dubbed, 'schWINNER.' Expecting to be greeted by the celestial rays of light reflecting off James' recently purchased - and spankin' new - Bianchi (not dissimilar to the one pictured above). I had seen it locked to the stop sign before I left, but now I found... nothing.
Oh wait - no... that's not true. The stop sign was still there, it was just clanging in the wind, loose in its hole. Hmm... think. Think HARD. After several minutes of intense confusion had passed, and an acknowledged lack of Columbo-worthy critical thinking skills were employed, I finally concluded the following: Someone stole James' bike by pulling the stop sign out of the ground and replacing it. To make a long story short, James sent out an email to friends lamenting his lost beauty, and immediately received an email back from someone, saying that his bike was on Craigslist!
MK - Theft 101: if you're going to steal a bike, it would be a good idea to...
a) post it the same day on Craigslist.
b) wait a while until the coast is clear, then post it on Craigslist.
c) hock it to a pedestrian as soon as possible, drop a smoke bomb, and quickly disappearing into an alley or gangway to count the cash
Obviously C, but whatevs... some people...
SOOOOooo, this friend arranged a time to "check out the bike and take it for a test ride." Meanwhile, the culprit's facebook page is found... turns out it's some 17 year old kid on a full-ride hockey scholarship to _____ university. Why is he flirting with a life of crime? James called the Police and has them meet him near the location of the "transaction." The police are - with a few exceptions - really helpful and even funny about the whole thing. They ask James what he wants to do. Should they arrest the kid? This is, after all, a felony.
It is agreed that they will just scare the **** out of him, and as long as he apologizes, no harm, no foal. Wait - that's not all. James realizes that since the crime is a felony, he has 5 years to press charges. Instead of letting the thief off the hook so easily, he devises an amazing plan: he gives the thief 4 years to finish his degree and graduate, during which James will keep a watchful eye on him through said facebook page. If he does not pull it off, James will press charges. Malevolence has no place in this sort of James Dunn Adapted Scandinavian Justice System. Maybe we should elect James Dunn to restructure our pointless, destructive prison system.