SOCK IT TO ME CONSUELOS Live Bloggin Ed. 1

or... "when thomas edison was asked of the hundreds of failures it took to finally create the light bulb he responded that he never felt he had failed but rather simply had found hundreds of ways of not making light bulbs"

*******AN EXPERIMENT GONE AWRY*******

Maybe this is blogger-cheating, but I trimmed away some of the excess fat.

What follows below is not the live blog.

It is slightly more coherent. Kind of.

Sincerest apologies. Kind of.

*************************************

We're walking back from practice. Two blocks away. Cougars. Kittens.

Go.

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For giggles.

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"This could be my guy!"

"I'm young, I'm deathly hot. DEAL WITH IT."

On the Thallo-couch: Matt, Erica, Jamie, Seth, and yours truly.

On the TV: all of our dreams coming true

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CONSUELOS.
Mr. Kelly Ripa.

Is she a cougar or a kitten?

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"I've never dated someone old before."

"You mean older."

"Older. Yes."

Hahahahaha.

"Have you been looking for the one lately?"

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The girlfriend just arrived!!

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Seth: This has been one of the slower episodes.

Sarah (GIRLFRIEND): There's only been three!

Seth: It's been the slowest of the three.

Erica: Right.

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Tessa is just one of the girls in the sea of women who haven't gotten to know Mark.

She made that up on the spot.

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Erica: I've been saying things!! Why don't you write them down??

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Slowest. Of. The. Three.

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Girlfriend: "I don't think it's so bad!!! I think it only seems slow because you think you have to post about it."

Ouch.

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Girlfriend: "I said that with love in my heart!!!"

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The cougars: "The 20 year olds think we have cellulite... but you know what? WE ROCK."

Swim time for the laaaaaaaaaaaadies. And they love it!

MARK IS SWIMMING IN A SEA OF CELLULITE. AND HE LOVES IT!

WE LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!

Seth: Mark's kinda pervy.

Jamie: A little bit.

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I forgot to ask Matt to write a haiku for all of this.

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Jen is starting to reaaaaaaaallly have feelings for Mark. She said so.

"The 20s better watch out. GAME ON."

You know. Go Jen. I'm okay with Jen.

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"Every week you get funnier! You make me feel like a little kid!"

Jayanna will definitely take it.

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Kelly is staying. We are upset.

I'm not allowed to transcribe what's going on here. My mom reads this.

Maybe other moms, too!

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And there goes another nobody.

Girlfriend: HE'S KICKING OFF ALL THE WRONG GIRLS!

Me: It doesn't matter. She wasn't going anywhere.

Girlfriend: BUT WHAT ABOUT KELLY??? SHE'S AWFUL!!!

Me: She's spicy?

Erica: You mean Elvira.

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But let's take a moment for Cougar Lynn who was just kicked off:

"My Grandma has always said she wanted to live long enough to see me get married."

Seth: We can't make fun of that!!!!

Matt: Oh man.

....tears on the television set.

We can't make fun of that. We definitely shouldn't make fun of that.

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And that's it!

20s and 40s moving in with each other next week.

I'm sure we won't be live-blogging it.

GOODNIGHT!

MAGIC EYE

I didn't know these worked on the internet.

Don't go cross-eyed. I mean, permanently.

Age of Love tonight!!

See you.

FEARLESS FRANK

I left you all hanging.
I have good reasons.
I will get to them.

Emotionally, what I was hoping for Saturday night:



(Adam Bomb, I know you feel this)

(really, if you were born anywhere from 1982 to 1986, this HAD to have meant something to you... a top-50 elementary school moment EASY)

What was probably more realistic:



Fight Of The Year? Are you sure??? Arthur Tsesura begs to differ.

Toddy says: "The fire in his heart is only rivaled by the flames on his shorts."

What actually happened:

...

Nothing.

He didn't even fight.

"I tried to tell him to stay around and fight, but he just left and blazed."

-Jim Thomas, President of FISTS OF GLORY.

Jason tells it differently.

So does Myspace.

"I stood there in my MMPR shirt, Dino Thunder colored bead necklace, and a Zeonizer strapped to my wrists! Lol!"

"She walked us right up to him and just was like 'Jason, these two boys are some of your biggest fans, and I wanted to make sure you got to meet them.' I freaked out silently, of course. My GOD he was ripped! He looked at me and shook my hand and kinda laughed a bit -- 'Wow, got the gadgets and everything, huh?', he said. 'You betcha!!'"

"One funny detail tho, Jason's shorts he had on for combat said "Fearless Frank" across the front! LOL!!! :lol: "

Thanks Myspace!



Now. Why did this take five days to write?

(A) I loved staring at MJ's post.
(B) For real.
(C) I was working on something else You-Me-Go.
(D) You don't believe me?
(E) Here's what I had written:

********NOT A REAL POST I AM ONLY LETTING YOU INTO THE INNERWORKINGS OF A TWO-WEEK OLD BLOGGER HERE GOES****************

An introduction is in order.

Monday Nights:


"I'm 40!!!! I DON'T KNOW IF THERE IS A TOMORROW!"

This is a very good thing.

So good, in fact, that I sat around to transcribe the entire episode... with a little help from Matt and Seth.

You see.

We care. About you. Our mainly anonymous friends.

(hi Matt Wilson!)

*********LOOK IT WAS CLEVER AND WONDERFUL AND I'M SERIOUS WE WROTE OUT PRETTY MUCH THE ENTIRE EPISODE INTERSPERSED WITH WITTY COMMENTS BY YOURS TRULY************

But. Here's the problem. It wasn't THAT witty.

Only kind of. And barely.

I'll even give you some examples:

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Tessa: "What I bring to the table - I'm really funny, I have great morals, I need an intellectual challenge."

WHAT.

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Megan arrives!!! She's the local favorite!!! Chi-rock!!!

"Some of the girls might look at me and say, 'she doesn't know as much... she's 21.'"

"Well, maybe I am super young, maybe I am super naive... but I don't know that in my own mind."

MEGAN! MEGAN! MEGAN!

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"I love to eat."

"I love food."

"Cool."

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MARY IS CRYING! SHE'S UPSET! COMPLAINTS ABOUT THE POOL SITUATION!!!

SHE IS BAWLING!!!

"I FEEL LIKE I HAVE THE POSITIVE POWER WITHIN ME TO PREVENT ALL THIS!!!!"

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Limbo time with the cooooooooouuuugars.

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"You're 48? That's crazy!"

"I have great genetics."

HAHAHAHAHAHHA.

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"I have a son."

Jaw clench.

"He's 25."

Seth can hear Mark's molars breaking.

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"I had a chance to see another side of Megan. She's full of life, full of energy."

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Mark to Angela: "I just didn't feel like there could be something there in the future."

A hollow limbo victory.

"Can I give you a hug?"

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You see what I mean. It makes sense to meeeeeeeeeeeeee. But you didn't watch it (no one expected you to) and thus can't be held responsible for my newly developed appreciation for reality shows and 38 year old women named Jayanna.

BUT. I will also say this. How about we all watch it together this Monday? Me and whoever I can round up will live-blog-it as the show goes... we'll post the comments as they come, too!... and we'll see what e-web magic we can rustle up together.

I think this is a great idea.

It could be a terrible idea.

Monday @ 9/8 Central.

Maybe?

P.S. we rode in an elevator with Bernie Mac on Sunday.

BYE!